FROM FASHION AVE TO MOTHERHOOD + BACK AGAIN. 3 FRIENDS WITH 3 DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES ON FASHION, BEAUTY AND LIFE.... AND UNLIKE OUR CHILDREN WE LOVE TO SHARE..
With the New Year quickly approaching I began to reflect on everything that has transpired this year. Boy what a year it has been. This past January I began a new chapter in my life. I moved into a new home, began a few new business ventures and learned to adjust to life as a single mom of four.
I was recently at a dinner party for my good friend who was celebrating 10 years breast cancer free! The girls and I got to talking about friendships. One of the women there who has also been through a divorce said that the blessing that comes from experiences that are extremely hard on us, is that you find your chemo friends. She explained that they are your friends that are there for you to hold you up, push you from behind and believe in you even when you don't. They give you the strength to move an inch forward, they hold your hair back for you when you are ill, listen to your anger, allow you your tears, councel you, they have such a strong presence in your life because they know you need them. Life never gets too busy for them to make time to check in on you. My friend and I looked at each other and said that is so true! She gained her Chemo friends through Cancer and I through Divorce.
Someone said to me not to long ago that I have surrounded myself by people who only agree with me. That person doesn't understand that through such a difficult time in my life, I have found my chemo friends.
So this New Year's Eve I raise my toast glass to my beautiful Chemo friends!! Thank You for all your love, support and your presence in my life!
Tis the season for a party and so it begins, well this mama always starts with an image in mind of what I would love to wear to a Holiday Party! Then the hunt begins! I have a love for lace and surprisingly enough I don't have much of it in my wardrobe. It is very hard I feel to find lace done right.
Then I search engined my way one night to Nicole Miller's website! and there it was "My Dream Holiday Dress!" I stared at the screen.... oh I love, love, love!! However, it is Christmas and I have four kids and should not be buying myself anything right now. So I sadly passed....
Days later I went back on her site still thinking of the dress. It was gone! Sold out!! UGH! All hopes of ever having this is now lost. I searched Ebay, and a few other sites. No dress!!! Well I thought to myself, you did the right thing, again I said to myself you have no business buying yourself something this time of year anyway. Done!
Days later... for some CRAZY reason I found myself back on the site! It was back!! Back in stock!! UGH!!! First excitement and then... Oh Crap!! Okay, this must be a sign that I should own this dress, I really need to look great at this Charity Holiday Party I'm going to...... It's a classic, I will wear this for years to come..... Then the voice got louder.... You know what Kimberly there isn't going to be anyone giving you Christmas gifts this year... go on...... Life is short.... remember your motto..... life is short, make it Haute!!!
So on that cold winters night I did it! I bought "The Dress" it's like Carrie Bradshaw once said... " Every once in a while a girl has to indulge herself." God I miss that girl!
holiday's are hard for the newly divorced mama. I'm okay but sometimes it hits me like losing my grandfather this past Thanksgiving Day. My children were in Virginia with their dad and I was driving home from my aunts... alone and sad. Now onto holiday, thankfully with four little ones at home and lots of parties to attend I make the most of this time of year as it is My Favorite Holiday. However, Christmas eve does come and after the kids are in bed..........
I love this gift and if I were in a relationship or married it would be mine! So I thought to put a different twist on it. I am getting one for each of my children's beds that say... Mom ... always kiss me goodnight.
Kimberly here and I came out of the closet sort of speak on the fact that I am a divorcee. I wanted this.. this current state my life is in. I am happy with myself, I have found my authentic self, I am growing stronger everyday but it sure has been a journey and will continue until the day I die. I remember sitting in my therapists office and she said to me... look at you, when you first came in to me you were crying hysterical you were dressed in dark clothing, you were a mess. Look at you now, you are wearing orange and you are radiant. What does that mean when you are about to up root your family and change life's direction. It means I was making the right choice. I made it to get me back! I was so lost!
Can you possibly be happy living a role? No! Boy do I wish someone taught me that lesson years ago. You need to live 1000 percent who you truly are in the roles life puts you in! Don't lose a centimeter of what makes your soul happy! That is the lesson I have learned and it took me a while even through this devastating time in my life. It has been hard being judged and talked about. Why am I still smiling, well, no one in this world I don't care who you are has not had a moment where they make a wrong choice, do something that is not the norm, lied, and I truly believe unless you are truly evil (Charles Manson), the reason you are brought to that moment is because you're not sure what you want or need. Something is missing, happy, content, focused people don't usually end up in those situations.
Many married couples have this problem. I remember the marriage counselor ( yes another therapist) say... Couples either grow together or they grow apart. I think that from day one you need to acknowledge what is that one thing that will tie you together and (it can't be children) because what do you do as a couple when they have their own lives one day! It has to be something intimate between the two of you. I never had that in my marriage. I didn't know I needed it, 2010, I just figured that out.
Which brings me to my next problem, moving on. I love to be in love, ( who doesn't) I love to make someone happy, I am a hopeless romantic and now that I know who I am and I will never lose her again...... I should be ready. Oh I am so not there! I am not sure if it is because I want to protect my children. Right now it is still me and their dad in their life. Very simple for them and I like that. There WILL NOT be a revolving door of boyfriends that my kids will be subjected to. NO WAY!!! So now what? I fear I will miss the right guy, I fear I have already missed him :-(
I wish I could take off to exotic world destinations. Oh the novel I could write if that were the case. Just me and the world! But when you have four little lives, how do you navigate? I only want one chapter.... "the break up" to be the worst one they read one day.
This divorce has so many layers, now onto the financial control. I have four children and I have been a stay at home mom for 10 plus years. In this economy with my last bit of education ending in the 90's what do I do. Until I make it big on my own I need to rely on his support to raise the kids. It is all about the kids. When you decided to leave a marriage their is usually a very little severance package for you, their lawyer will lie and become a best selling novelist and you become the villian. So I started my art business, I started a blog with friends and I am ( thanks to a childhood friend) given an opportunity to start as a sales rep. for their company commission based. Well, its a start but will take time to build up any real revenue all the while being a mom to four children, school activities, after school activities, meals, doctors appt., clothing, supplies, baths, etc. etc. time is very limited. I hear repeatedly... " You wanted this!" I feel sometimes like I am in the ocean and my ex is standing on the boat holding the life jacket saying.... " you wanted to jump in! this is your fate now!!!" It gets you so mad at times you would rather drown than be saved.
But then these words flash in my head.... my children (enough said), eating (I'm italian remember) shopping(I would miss the new trends half joking here!!) love ( one day I hope to have that feeling again) Pray ( It has kept me on this earth so far). I am excited to see the movie... Eat. Pray, Love. I know why she did what she did, she had too! Maybe I won't feel so alone and I certainly will be excited to see her find happiness and It may restore my faith in fate! at least for a few hours!
Well I needed to share with you my fabulous find and the fact that I am a hopeless romantic!! One of my favorite movies is Affair to Remember and Sleepless in Seattle ( yes I would fly across the country to see a man who I thought I had a connection to by hearing his voice on the radio! ) Some would say that is a bit creepy but I am secure enough with myself to say that I am level headed and extremely romantic! Life is about taking chances!! :-)
On my recent trip out of town I had a chance to shop and I came across this White Halston Heritage gown!! 70% off!! It was so simple and elegant I had to try it on!! Well, the instant I put on the gown I heard Meg Ryan in my ear saying... this is a sign! LOL!!!!! It is my size and I just happen to be thousands of miles from home!! This gown will have a story someday! So I decided to buy it!!
I have recently gone through a divorce and everyday I make an effort to keep looking forward and making my dreams a reality! It is empowering to make choices for yourself, as scary and as hopeless as you may feel sometimes I have learned through this experience that everyday you grow and you get a bit stronger. This dress is a reminder to me to never become too cynical and remain the hopeless romantic I am!!
As I am typing this I can see the dress and ........ Sleeping Beauty is singing in my head..." I know you.. I walked with you once upon a dream!"
